Life happens

So my parents accepted a contract on their house, they will close in the middle of January and my mother should be moving into the condo about 5 days after they close.

Yeah.

My father has actually accepted a new job and will be working in New Orleans, or somewhere very near there, starting January 3rd.

Yup.

Father keeps insisting that the trailer park near the school has several for sale. Opportunity he says. Senility, I say. He thinks he's funny, but he's not. Where will I live, you ask? Perhaps an apartment near school. Or in the condo with the mother and the brother. Who knows!?!?

That horrible ice storm in Tulsa resulted in my grandmother freezing for two days and breaking her hand. She is currently residing in B-town (yes, I called it B-town, but for effect, not for real), and will be going back to the doctor on Monday. Yes, party at the parents' house. Someday, when her hand is better, surgery or no, she will return to Tulsa when the city has power again. Andi!! I hope you're okay, you didn't answer my phone call!!

So...

Mother will not be going skiing with the rest of the gang, she will be hanging with the cool kids in Texas while I finish my last week of school. Hopefully, she will be able to make it up there for Erin's birthday.

I have volunteered to work for free books on Monday and Tuesday after school. And to bring Tamale Pie for lunch on Wednesday. I need to get Christmas, I mean Winter Holiday, gifts for everybody I know, mail New Year's Eve invitations, and buy shoes because I must go to that Military Ball thing on Saturday. And I have to enter my grades for the progress reports by Wednesday. This is really more of a list for me to remember, not part of the blog at all... Just ignore that last paragraph.

Father and I are attempting eggnog creme brulee again. Oh, it's going to be good. Five more days of school. Five more days. So exciting. Happy Holidays!

Respect

"Sir" and "ma'am" can be added to instructions if I think you are acting the fool. For example: "No, ma'am! You may not put that glue stick in the pencil sharpener!" Respect is implied, but it is not sincere.

End of First Week

I have been a teacher for a full week now. Not sure if they have learned anything from me this week. But they didn't lose any knowledge either, that I can tell. We're working on not running around the room or crawling on the floor. Self control and safety first, that's my motto.

Employed

So I have a real live job, with a real live classroom, with real live children. Amazing right? I am so lucky.

Saturday Night!

I thought Saturday would be uneventful and I would have plenty of time to address envelopes, but Jacque called! Austen was having boys over to watch the A&M game and she wanted to get the girls together to do something. Done! Kristen had to spend quality time with her mother in law, but Lydia and I were at Jacque's house by 6:45pm.

We went to the DSW in Southlake to look at shoes. So many cute shoes in my size! So little money! There are a pair of black, patent leather, peep-toe, wedges by Rampage that I wandered around the discount area in for ten minutes. And they were like $28. And they were so comfortable. Some day I will go back to that shoe mecca and purchase four pairs of fun. I was looking for pink shoes to wear with my bridesmaid dress, but the best I could come up with are a pair of pink flats that are quilted with heart shapes, with a pink bow on top ... I seriously thought about it, but I think I want taller shoes.

After that we went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. Had a crappy margarita and the delightful baha chicken tacos. Lydia made awkward comments to the waiter... Boo. Oh and we saw Katie S. and her husband. She is soo pregnant. She said she was due really soon. Why do people keep reproducing. Jacque and Lydia had a long conversation about how it was their main goal in life to have kids and be mothers.






Then we went back to Jacque's. Most of Austen's boys were still there, so we chatted a little and put of the fake Christmas tree that Jacque had purchased Saturday afternoon. She is so cute, buying stuff for her and Austen's house. Jason A. finally busted out the gummy fingers that they passed out at her office and several boys tried them. They were really descriptive as to disgusting flavor. They were really gross looking. Not mention that they are gummy. Gross.

That boy that only talks to me when I ignore him was texting me throughout evening. Then he called me as I was walking out of Jacque's house. By the time I got to the highway he had said, if I was nearby he would invite me over, but ... And I told him I was nearby, actually. Then I asked if he was asking me over. And he said maybe. I mentioned that was the best invitation ever! and said I wouldn't mind going over to his place to watch a movie.

Mistake. We saw "Blue Velvet". Neither of us had seen it before, so the full frontal nudity and S&M theme made us uncomfortable. Or maybe just me, but it was awkward. I got up to leave when the movie was over and couldn't get the door unlocked. He made a reeeally awkward joke about planning it. And then I got the door open and said good night.

I had the weirdest dream after that. Something about killers in the high school and being trapped in the locker room. Yikes! I think it was a combination of "Blue Velvet" and the episode of "Ghost Whisperer" I saw on Friday.

So, if you haven't seen "Blue Velvet", don't. Have a safe Sunday night, kids!

Second Day as a Sub

I went to sleep a little earlier than the night before, hoping to catch up on some much needed sleep and to be bright eyed and bushy tailed for the fourth graders! I was probably out by 2:00am. Boo. But I woke up at 5:00am, after reciting my bedtime prayers: please let me wake up on time, please let me wake up on time, please let me wake up on time! It totally works. My prayers were answered and I was out of the condo by 6:30am. So dark! I made it to that new school over in Ft Worth by 7:30am. It is really nice!! So fancy in it's newness, I was delighted. This school was welcoming, but I did not get a map like at the other school, so I was lost several times. The fourth graders were awesome. Some people may think that the word awesome is over used, but it is not! The kids were awesome. The teachers must be amazing, because I didn't have a problem with any of them. Some tried my patience and were not ideal, but what kid doesn't have its moments? Exactly. Everyone was so nice and I even saw two kids from camp! It was fun to talk to them. They remembered how much their counselor snored. Heh! I got to go outside for recess and I was finished by 3:15pm. Such a good day ... I hope every day can be as fun as that one.

And now Friday evening.
Drive back to Dallas, check.
Change into pajamas, check.
Watch a lot of unnecessary television, check.
Fall asleep with Jerry Springer on, without brushing teeth or washing face, check.
Lovely.

Girls' Night

Every Thursday for the last year or so, I have been getting together with Jacque, and Lydia, and now Kristen, since she has returned from the frozen tundra with her husband and son, Aiden. Sometimes, alumni band has been canceled, and sometimes I just skip it, because Girls' Night is just better! Jacque called and said we would meet at her house at 6:00pm. I looked at the clock at Lynn's house and it said 5:45pm, so I thought I better get my crap together and go, so I wouldn't be late - I'm working so hard on not being late nowadays. I got in the car and left the neighborhood, before I realized Lynn's clock was set 15 minutes fast and I was going to be ridiculously early for Jacque's. Nothing is more inconsiderate, in my eyes, than showing up for a social gathering early. What is it, a job interview? No! However, when I called, Jacque was gracious enough to allow me to arrive early and even offered left over Halloween candy while we waited for the others to show. Kristen showed up with the kid, who is always amusing, because there was some confusion with the grandparents' babysitting. We went to Cotton Patch Cafe (for the first time) and I got the meatloaf. And because meatloaf contains red meat, yes I know, I was unwell the rest of the evening. But it tasted so good. I was constantly staring at my cell phone during dinner because I was expecting a call from the subfinder for a Friday job. The phone rang once and then went to voicemail for some reason and the rest of the evening I spent constantly checking to see if they were calling me back. We went back to Jacque's for the "Ugly Betty" and the "Grey's Anatomy". Mediocre, but I am loyal nonetheless. Eventually the glorious subfinder called back and I got a job for Friday at the newer school over in Ft Worth with 4th graders! Huzzah! But then that guy that I know that only talks to me when I ignore him texted me about not being at alumni band. Frick that. Girls' Night RULZ!

First Day as a Substitute Teacher

Technically, my first day as a career substitute was Wednesday, but I couldn't find any jobs online and I forgot to tell the office that my number was long distance, so I didn't get a call to sub on Wednesday. That's okay, I had stuff to do anyways... I was freaking out so I spent all day Wednesday afternoon checking the job availability. Every five minutes. Then, I saw it. A job opening! But someone else was looking at it. What did that mean? What was going on? What a world, what a world. As a certified teacher, I am at the top of the list to get a substitute job. Why could I not sign up for this gig? Then I heard my phone ring! It was the subfinder, calling about that very job I had been gunning for, for the last 35 minutes. Victory was mine. I had a job lined up for the next day, I would be making money!!!! A positive cash flow at last.

Then I spent the rest of the evening preparing for my first day in a classroom all by my self in a looooong time. I looked at the school website, the district handouts, my age appropriate books...I would be in a first grade class, yikes, and would need to be prepared for the worst. I spent from 9:30pm to 2:30am thinking, I have to go to sleep. I have to wake up at 5:30am. I have to go to sleep. I have to wake up at 5:30am. It was a long night. But I did wake up at 5:30am. And I was early for work. The secretary hadn't even shown up yet. And the worst did not happen. The teacher was prepared, the kids knew what was up, I made one child cry and another got in big trouble for cussing at the teacher next door. Other than that, it was fine.

I went to Lynn's after work and started working on the invitations that she is paying me to address. I did a lot of prep work, hoping that I would not disappoint her. We will find out. Going to Jacque's later for Girls' Night!!!

Profile Picture

Someone, one of my kids or Lee, slammed my arm in the door. Don't ask how it happened. But they decided to document my pain for all time. And now it is my profile picture. Thank you and have a nice day.

I Should Explain

I stopped posting because my mother kept reading my blogs and leaving annoying messages. It is unclear if she has subscribed to this blog or not. Granted, I could block her, but then she would explain to me, in person, that she can't make comments anymore ... and nobody wants that. Thus, if she comments to this post, we will know won't we - all two of you that happen upon this blog.

Erin, sister, are you still out there? I miss you.

Went bridesmaid dress shopping on Saturday. I will be wearing green and there will probably be major ruching involved. The wedding is in April, I will totally post pictures. I'm not afraid. Or too embarrassed. Brave words considering we haven't decided on a dress yet...

I have decided now that while I don't have a full time job, I should be doing more with my time. Up until today, I have worked sporadically, browsed InStyle.com, People.com, and updated myself on every amusing tv show that deigns to put its episodes on-line. No! That does not include "Passions". Stop it! I will now try to read all those books I purchased in college, but never read, blog about interesting (read: whatever amuses me at the time, but will probably amuse no one else) things, and stop applying for Administrative Assistant jobs, because I'm terrified I will never be paid to teach. A-boo.

Jason's birthday is quickly approaching, I can't decide if I should try to make him several pies from scratch or buy him flavored, well, let's call it old cereal in a bottle. Thoughts?

Summer's Over

So, I haven't found a real job yet, so I'm just going to chill and eventually find my way. Yikes, so scary. But all will be well, I'm sure of it.

No more Naturalist

So I decided that I would not like to continue as a Naturalist, because that would be mean missing camp to stay at I job that did not rock my socks. There for, I quit and went straight to camp. And all was well. I will teach in a school, I will!

Long live camping!

Calendar / Organizer

Found my planners from January 2004 to September 2005.
Good lord.
To sum up:
School takes up a lot of time.
I really like highlighters at one point.
I have really really good handwriting.
I went to Mickey's, Pete's, Ben's, and Station 4 far too many times.
I went to Amarillo to visit Lydia.
Jacque and I partied A LOT!
I apparently saw "Hellboy" with Luke. Or I planned to any way.
I have been to "Woody's" and totally forgot!
Perhaps Jason and I over-plan our respective birthday weeks of drunkenness.

In the NOTES section at the back of my planners, I jotted a few things down ...

"You're the reason our kids are ugly."
"Drop kick me Jesus through the goalposts of life"
"Didn't 'Grease' teach you anything? Slut yourself up and boys will like you.
I want a Rumpus room.
"This is not my beautiful life!"
"Religion is a scary thing. It allows people to stop thinking. Why do people insist on making up a story to answer these scary questions. What is so hard about saying 'I don't know'." -Bill Mahr
"I'm awake and I'm dressed, what more do you want from me?"
"[Parents] are always right! And I find that very annoying."
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the things you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -Mark Twain
"What is it about love that makes us so stupid?" -Under the Tuscan Sun
"What? have you been gargling with, bong water?" -Will & Grace
I want a pseudonym like Anastasia Beaverhausen.
We would often be sorry if our wishes came true. -fortune cookie
The hippies enter through the side door. -sign at Jimmy John's
"Do you remember your first love? Do you remember how it felt when it ended? That agonizing pain? It only happens once, but it stays with you forever."
"There's no smiling in Heavy Metal, Jon." - Dee Snider, on Jon Bon Jovi
"Knowing you, it'll probably come out eventually. You might as well say it on purpose and choose your words." (I live by this)
"You know those 'Road Runner' cartoons where the coyote runs off a cliff then stops in midair and realizes there's nothing under him but a long fall to the rocks below. That's kinda how I'm doing." -Luann (sometimes I do feel like that)
"There's nothing like years old Crystal Pepsi bought on ebay. Mmm ... it's warm too!" -Mo Rocca
"Don't drink too much, don't fight, don't be stupid." -Buddy Nielson's mom
"If you don't like it here ... we can go down to Taco Bell; maybe that's more your style."
"What are you saying man ... I'm like a Taco Bell kind of guy?"
-Coffee and Cigarettes
"I think in a way that's the Bush campaign slogan: Maybe we're a little crazy, maybe we went to war with the wrong country, but you know, we're going to get some bad guys." -Maureen Dowd

So much has happened since then, I can't even believe it.

Happy New Year, kids!

Spider butt

"Spider butt" was the label for a photo in my friend's book. Spider butt. Now say it really fast. That's what he said. Heh.

This morning at work we used a plankton net to take water samples from our pond. We have a group of kids coming tomorrow and we do a lot of water testing with them. Upon observing the rank odor coming from the pond, all parties decided that we needed to do something about the fish that have been dying because of the drastic weather changes recently. There are dead tilapia floating everywhere!! So how do you get a ton of dead fish out of the pond?

You take the canoe.

But first, before we fished the fish out of the pond, we walked down the street to the creek to look for water bugs for the lab tomorrow. If you were driving down Green Oaks around 11am and saw a large butt sticking out of some tall grass on the side of the road, that was me.

Mmm ... a big net. Anyway, so we gathered three 5-gallon buckets full of dead fish. No photos though. Just use your imagination. I smell like rotting fish right now. It's pretty awesome. Gonna drive back to Dallas and take a really long shower. My co-worker Emily took off a little early, so she could drive home naked and not stink up her car. Well, that's what I assume the reason was. I bought some nighttime medicine for Cough, Cold & Flu - because I am unwell. This will probably equal crazy dreams tonight. Ask me about them tomorrow.

Basketball game

Went to the women's basketball game last night. Good times. There were only 14 people in the band, so we sounded tiny and Mustang Sally was pathetic. It was laughable and sad at the same time.

Have you seen "Get Shorty"? If you haven't, you won't get this. As I was walking home from the game, my dad called me. He said, "We're making chili here at the house with all this hamburger meat."
"Yeah."
"And it's chilly outside.
"It's chili inside and it's chilly outside."
heh.

For a long time my mother has told me that she doesn't really like my name. So last year she said I could change it to whatever I wanted, in case I no longer wanted to be confused with African American professional athletes and skeetzy porn stars. Then a few months ago she said I could go by my initials. I would now be called D.B. You know, like D.B. Sweeney from those brat pack movies. Really? Really? Then my dad called this morning - I didn't answer because it was 8:19am and too damn early for me to race downstairs to find my cell. So when I went to check my voicemail, it was from my father. He said, "Your mother and I have decided to change your name to Mercedes. Just wanted to let you know. If you have any questions you can call us back."

Gingerbread Party

Jason's annual Gingerbread House-Making Party has been another rousing success. Frank invited some more of his "work friends" who I generally hate as a principle, and he apparently invited Cory. And Cory brought Luke. Jason and I put the pieces of gingerbread together with icing, from this delightful kit he bought at the store. We abandoned it for beverages, planning to return after the required 15 minutes of drying time. As soon as we left, Frank's friend swooped down like vultures. Of course, the house fell to pieces and it looked like a Picasso painting, but they were amused and not bothering me with stupid "Albert Newton" comments. To summarize the rest of the evening, I will leave a list.

*2 episodes of "Popular", hit teenie-bopper television program from the WB, circa 1999.
*An entire pitcher of blended strawberry daquiri all over Jason's kitchen and carpet.
*Buffy the Vampire Slayer episodes, from season 3, natch.
*Hedgwig and the Angry Inch.
*Luke getting handsy when inebriated, but mostly just groping Cory.
*Quietly, me to Luke, "Luke, cut it out."
*Luke to the rest of the apartment, "We used to ... hang out."


There are no words.

Just go to the link. It amuses me.

http://img252.echo.cx/img252/8159/006wo.swf

This Friday

Went to see Carlos Mancia (Mind of Mancia from Comedy Central) at UTA with some people from high school. Okay, soooo much fun. The two people that opened for him were, of course, hilarious and he was awesome. Normally many comedians aren't as funny as they think they are but he ... was sooo hilarious. He really rocks. Then we went to TGIFriday for dinner. Then we watched tv, but THEN I finally got to see "Waiting". Hilarious. A night of amusement. Stayed up till the morning, slept all day. Saturday...I sat in bed in my comfy t-shirt and lined wind pants with my hair in a towel turban as several plans dropped in and out ... and finally sweet, sweet nothing. Didn't feel fabulous, so study, AIM, movie, sleep. It's been productive. Sean has informed me that he will tell Erin that I hate her and am lazy and don't care about her, but I'm okay with that. She knows the truth.

I miss you Erin!!! Remember when our beds were next to each other in CIT lodge? That was an awesome summer. Remember when we bucket-brigaded you and you had borrowed my discman? Curses! Hope you had a good spring break.

Last Friday

Okay, so Friday, March 24th. Frank had to get out of the apartment because, well, just because. And he doesn't have a car, so he IMs me. Going out with band people for a birthday thing, wanna go? Uh, band people that I don't really know, uh, no thanks. So I told him just that, and I ended up going out to dinner, Ben's, then hosted more drinking at the condo. Yeah, when I put my foot down, by gosh, I mean it. Seriously though, I had so much fun. Chili's was a little awkward with "the new Webb", but he left when he got carded at Ben's. It was cool catching up with Jeremy and Cory, and even cool hanging out with Frank. I don't remember the last time I hung out with him without Jason, but it was totally cool. He even said two funny things that evening! Way to go, Frank. People started leaving around 3am. Watching movies the rest of the night, one of my favorite things to do! I have said cool too many times, for lack of a better word. Okay, I had fun. And Ben's, totally didn't suck on a Saturday night. Not like last time when I went with Jacque and Austen and Mike and Mike's friend and Kristen. We were like, the only people in the bar. Awkward. Anyway, pretty freaking sweet.

So, for me ... when it rains, it pours. Just so you know.